Ralph's Friends Remember
While I was working as a programmer at Systemwide (now known as University of California Office of the President, or UCOP) in the early 1980's I began to encounter a man in a wheelchair who seemed to work there also. Soon we began to chat, and even though it was very difficult to understand his speech at first, I found out his name was Ralph Boemio, and he too was a computer programmer, though at the time he worked on a different system than I did.
As time passed Ralph and I had occasions to discuss programming and testing issues collaboratively, as well as occasions to socialize at and after work. I discovered that Ralph was ingeniously creating reusable macros which he could use to diminish greatly the number of keys he had to type, since his disability made such activity problematic. I adopted some of his techniques for my own work since they made a lot of sense even for my more functional fingers!
Ralph seemed to have a very logical mind, which is essential to effective computer programming. We spoke often enough for me to appreciate his professionalism as a relatively novice programmer who took the job seriously, which was not always the case with other employees. As we became friends it became a lot easier to understand his speech since I had lots more opportunities.
After he retired from Systemwide, we continued to socialize and even were roommates for a year, so I had many chances to see Ralph doing things on his home computer as well. He continued to make very effective use of all the available technology to facilitate his use of a keyboard, clearly demonstrating his superior abilities working with computers.
For a number of years after Ralph retired I occasionally received assignments to add new features to programs which he had written or modified. Ralph's code was always clear and correct, which is rather unusual in the world of computer programming. He did his job exceptionally well.
Ralph's determination to function so well despite his progressive physical limitations was inspiring. He was one of the most determined people I ever knew, and his athletic successes demonstrated his commitment to excel at whatever he attempted. I miss him greatly.
Ralph used to back up getting out of his van. And several times when he backed up the lift was not up and he landed a meter below on his head. Or he used to go backwards fast because he had no control and hit the lip of the lift. As Ralph was lying there in the street, I said, 'I killed my friend.' Others said, 'He looks bad.' And Ralph replied, 'I always look like this.' So I said, Ralph was tough.
When I had my first motorcycle, Ralph asked "How does it feel to go 100 mph?" At that point, Ralph was not yet always in a wheelchair, but he was unsteady on his feet. So I said, "How about a ride?" Ralph got behind me and held on so tight, that I said, 'Dang it, Ralph! I can't breathe with you holding me so tight! It's not safe.' So I got some other friends to strap Ralph to me so he wouldn't have to hang on. We started out slow, then hit 85 mph, and then Ralph had me open it up all the way to 100 mph. This was when Ralph was near 30 in 1972.
Once we went into a discotheque and with me on one side of Ralph and Chazz Palminteri on the other. The bouncer said, "Get him out of here." Ralph said, "I'm not drunk. This is a disease!" They still bounced him, but Ralph, Chazz and I just laughed. Ralph would not use a wheelchair.
People knew him for years, and he never complained. Never cried. He inspired people. People with health, money, and they cried. He was tough, his personality. He became more and more respected.
Ralph's neighborhood was in the Belmont District of The Bronx, NY, near the Bronx Zoo. Belmont was so crazy you knew if you had ten thousand dollars you could get anyone you wanted killed. The Savoy Theater had cartoons and a big race on holidays. They gave the kids a toy. Mr. and Mrs. Stein, who owned the Savoy, were good people, but the kids drove them crazy. On Saturdays at the Savoy it seemed as though there were a zillion kids at the Savoy and was only a quarter to get in. Though it seemed as though the place was packed with kids, when they tore the Savoy down, the area actually turned out to be quite small.
When Ralph was a little kid living with his father and mother, his parents ran a candy store. They moved away from my neighborhood when I was just a little kid. Ralph and I then hung out in different crowds and gangs used to fight. Get into line in front of each other. I knew Ralph through my brother who had an apartment and really got to know Ralph when another guy — Ron Gaston — and I used to carry Ralph upstairs to the apartment. Ralph used to try everything not to have to use a wheelchair.
When Ralph used to drive his VW, I would ride with him. Now that was an adventure!
First Earth Day Ralph, Sal and I went into Central Park. When Ralph got into sports, he really went completely into it. Exercise, competitions, medals.
Back in 1977 I was introduced to the Boemio Family of the Bronx, New York through my husband to be Pasquale aka Pat. Pat was attending an MDA adult winter camp at which I was the Patient Service Coordinator. When the week of camp concluded, Pat thought it would be nice if I were to come and meet his family at their weekly Sunday dinner. I accepted. While shyly eating the most wonderful, made from scratch, pasta in gravy I had ever tasted, the family told wonderful stories about Pat and his mysterious brother Ralph.
Aunts and Uncles, nieces and nephews, mother and father all in their turn told me about their beloved Ralph. I couldn't wait to meet this guy. Was he really all that these lovely people said he was or was he just a myth? Pat and I continued to date and decided that marriage was in our future. What I kept hearing from this family was that they loved Ralph very much despite his roguish smile and 'living large' lifestyle.
Both Pat and Ralph suffered from Friedrick's Ataxia, a neuromuscular disorder affecting balance and coordination. Both brothers handled their disability very bravely but very differently. Pat quietly dealt with the changes occurring to his body trying to blend in with the crowd. Not Ralph, God Bless him! Ralph never let his disability slow him down. He tried everything - food, drink, driving, sports and, of course, women. He had a very strong will and a strong will to take care of himself and to be healthy, including his respiratory system. And he lived 20 years longer or more.
Unfortunately, the first time I met this phantom called Ralph was at the funeral of his father Marco in February of 1978. (Marco died before seeing Pat & I get married). Here we all were gathered at Joe Botty's Funeral Home mourning and consoling each other when all of a sudden the door opened and the distinct hum of an electric wheelchair filled the air. R A L P H had arrived - all the way from California in the middle of the worst snowstorm in 20 years! The whole room called out at the same time RALPH'S HERE and in came a man wearing the biggest, warmest smile I had ever seen. I knew in a minute that this Ralph was no phantom but a very likable, friendly person with the devil in his eye and all the wacky, crazy stories told lovingly by his family were true!
Pat and I did get married that following April, 1978 and moved out to California by Mother's Day two weeks later. We lived there for 24 years. During that time Ralph became very involved with Olympic Sports Events for Disabled people. He quickly excelled and won many, many medals - gold, silver and bronze much to my daughter's delight. Ralph and my daughter, Lou-Ann, had a very special and close relationship with each other. About this time a wonderful woman came into Ralph's life and stayed. She provided Ralph with the most genuine love and caring a person could give and I know Ralph appreciated her until the day he died. Claire came into his life and stayed and I know Ralph told us many times how much he appreciated her loving heart.
I was very sad the day Ralph passed away but I knew he had lived his life without regrets and accomplished things even far beyond his own dreams. Living Large suited him very well. My family and I will never forget Uncle Ralph nor the wonderful gift he had for the love for learning, doing, what might seem to others, crazy and wild things and living large. God Speed, my brother, you will be in my heart forever.
I think Ralph would love this website — so much "him".
Here is one of my favorite memories of Ralph.Ralph was a fellow Italian and loved eating good food and having a glass of red wine! I loved one particular evening that I went over to cook for him. I made polenta and red sauce-- we laughed and listened to opera and drank red wine while I stirred and stirred and stirred the polenta.
He enjoyed that meal with so much gusto! It was truly a Ralph moment! Ciao, lela
Note from Claire: Lela was the Director of Fund Raising for the Center for Independent Living in Berkeley and Oakland.
Every single thing in Ralph's apartment was something that he had done.
It all started back in the early sixties in "Da Bronx" on Belmont Ave. and East 189th Street. I would occasionally see Ralph walking down the street taking very deliberate steps holding on to the buildings as he went to keep his balance, Soon after we were introduced by my cousin Chazz Palminteri and we started to hang out together in the clubhouse on belmont ave. We ate together went clubbing together went to movies together. My mother had polio as a young girl and needed assistance walking so helping Ralph was a natural and soon we were inseparable. Chazz was a singer in a band and we would use Mary's (Ralph's moms) car to drive to Long Island,N.Y. to see him perform. About 1969 Ralph purchased a new VW beetle $1699 back then and now there was no stopping us. The car made everything more accessible to us and we started to branch out,Ralph would say "Today the Bronx tomorrow the world". One particular night Ralph asked me to stop by after work he had something to tell me,so at about 8pm I knocked at his home and Mary opened up the door with the customary hug and kiss on the cheek and I went upstairs,Pat lived downstairs. Ralph loved going for a ride the farther the better he would say. Well what he showed me was an application for a road rally to which I said ok not realizing it was no ordinary race but the North East Championship Race we looked at the paperwork and said well they have a classification before novice call "Seat of the pants" that's for us because we had no idea of the scope of it so Ralph paid the entrance fee and I said I would drive, The night before the race another car blew a stop sign and hit the front of the VW and pretty much blew our chances for passing pre-race inspection, the look on Ralph's face was not a happy one so filled with guilt I went to work making the car "passable", about 10 hours later with duct tape and bailing wire the car was at lease presentable and we were issued our car number at the starting point, well 30 hrs later and after traveling thru 3 states we finished the race a respectable placing of 86th we started in 216th place. Ralph talked about that for years after and we would sit back and laugh out loud but still proud of our accomplishment. Well that's the 60's, I have fond memories of Ralph and I miss my friend and the times we had very much, Ron Gaston.
Searching for Alvin Lee or Alvin Young songs or poems [Oakland, California]
This site maintained in loving memory of Claire Englander.
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